Free Beer and Pizza
by hotdogfish
Summary: I'm not a trainer. I don't spent months in the wilderness, training for badges or chasing rare pokemon. I work in an office all day to pay the bills, yet I still managed to catch myself a shiny pokemon. Yeah, my dad wasn't too impressed either. One-shot


I got my oddish when I was walking through the park one day. It was nothing unusual, the park was a shortcut from the office to my apartment building that I took advantage of whenever the weather was nice. Mark, my taillow, would often spot me from my apartment balcony, and would fly down to meet me part way. After saying hello, he usually alternated between checking out the occasional bush, or tree, and getting a free ride on my shoulder, like the lazy bird he was. He used to cling to my t-shirts, but after he shredded three of them with his tiny claws, I bought a leather jacket from the thrift shop. It was unbelievably hot during the summer, but worth it.

Anyway, it was Mark that found him.

I was just walking along, as oblivious as ever, when he flew under a bush and, not only did he not fly back out, but he also started squawking at something at the top of his lungs. I sighed. Usually that meant he had found a bug pokemon and was trying to kill and eat it. That wasn't a problem in itself, it certainly cut down on his food bill, but most of the time he couldn't eat the whole thing, so tried to carry bits back. To make it even grosser, he didn't want to fly while carrying said bits of bug, so he would sit on my shoulder instead. The icing on the cake was that the bits he brought back were usually long strings of gut, or bloody lumps of muscle. Like I said, gross, right?

To keep myself as blood and gut free as possible, the only solution was to get him to come out, and distract him until we were far enough from the dead bug that he forgot about it. So, I got down on my hands and knees to look under the bush to try and find, and distract, him. Needless to say, I was very surprised to see him tugging at the leaves of a _bright green_ oddish, and not pulling out the guts of another unfortunate wurmple.

That wasn't to say the oddish was anything resembling healthy. It was, in fact, a complete mess. Its leaves were shredded, and two of them had been reduced to little more than stubs. Purple blood oozed from them, as well as from several deep wounds on its body. It was lying on its side, probably unconscious, as it didn't react to Mark. It definitely wasn't dead, though, 'cause it was still breathing.

The worrying thing was that Mark didn't do this. He was a very low level pokemon; I'd certainly never trained him at all, though I did get him from the shelter after someone gave him up. The nurse did say he had always been just a pet, though. Also, it had taken him weeks to figure out how to kill the wurmple he found. With his utter lack of experience, it should have taken him much longer than the half minute he'd had to inflict anywhere near this level of damage, especially against a pokemon that can use absorb.

"Come here, Mark." I ordered and, to my surprise, he actually left the oddish and hopped over.

I sat up and looked around to see if anyone seemed to be actively looking for a pokemon.

A few joggers gave me weird looks as they went past, as did a mom with her toddler in a push-chair. Further away, there were a few couples sprawled out in the sun, their attention focused on the person next to them, and a large group of university students were having a study group, or possibly a jam time. They had both text books and a couple guitars out, so who knew what they were actually doing. On the far side of the park, three people in red and black uniforms were checking out the bushes along the path. Team Magma. Somehow, I wasn't surprised.

I looked back at the oddish, and decided that some of its wounds did look like bite marks.

Team Magma were well known for their preference for poochyena. So were Team Aqua. I must admit, I did panic a little at the thought of Team Magma and Team Aqua holding one of their glorified turf fights in the park while I was in it.

I reached under the bush and pulled the oddish out by one of its feet, the only part that I could reach. I probably wasn't as gentle as I should have been, but I really didn't want to be spotted by the Team Magma thugs. I pulled open my jacket, eased the oddish inside, then zipped it up as much as I could.

I looked at my watch and decided that if I walked quickly, I should get to the bus stop in time to get the number 6, which would eventually stop at the pokemon center.

I took off at a brisk walk, feeling as though I had just painted a huge target on my back. I didn't want to be noticed, but I also didn't want to miss the bus, and I really wanted to get out of there. It was fortunate the oddish was unconscious, because I probably jostled it quite a bit.

I arrived at the bus stop at the same time as the bus. I recalled Mark, as pokemon weren't really allowed on buses anymore, and hoped that the oddish would stay quiet and still.

I flashed the driver my bus pass, then took a seat at the very back of the half empty bus, almost tripping over an old lady's purse when the bus started moving. About ten minutes in, I carefully opened the zip a little more to peer in, but it was still out cold.

The bus ride was as boring as ever, though there was a minute amount of excitement when everyone had to pull over so that a police car could drive past. That, and the ensuing traffic meant that the bus was probably behind schedule when it arrived at the pokemon center, but I wasn't in much of a rush, so I hardly cared.

Except for the receptionist, the lobby was thankfully deserted when I entered. I went to the desk, cradling the oddish like a pregnant lady cradles her belly.

"Good Afternoon," she said, eyeing the blood leaves poking out my jacket, "how can I help you today?"

"Found this injured oddish." I replied while digging out my trainer card.

"I'm afraid we don't treat wild pokemon."

"I know, but I figured it might have a trainer."

I had gotten my card out of my wallet and put it on the desk, then fully unzipped myself and gently put the oddish next to my wallet. It had finally woken up, but wasn't particularly responsive. It slowly looked from the nurse, to me, but didn't even try to get up.

The nurse looked to be in shock, though whether it was from the oddish's injuries, or that it was a shiny, it was hard to say.

"Poor little guy. Just let me do a quick search in our database for any missing oddish." The receptionist said.

While she was at the computer, I looked over the inside of my jacket. There was quite a bit of purple blood smeared on the lining, but hopefully it would wash out. Wait...leather jacket...well, I was sure I'd figure something out.

"Did you just find this guy today?" She asked after a minute.

"Yeah, just in the park." I replied.

"I'm not seeing anything listed, though if he was recently lost, one might not have been made yet. I can try putting him in a ball. If he's already registered to a ball, then it just won't absorb him."

I nodded, it was as good an idea as any.

"If he is a wild pokemon, would you be wanting to take him?" She asked.

I nodded again. Oddish weren't that hard to look after, especially when compared to an overactive taillow, and I didn't want it to be dumped back in the park with those Magma grunts wandering around.

"Okay, well, let's see here."

She bent down under the desk, and started rummaging in the cupboards. A moment later, she popped back up with a pokeball in hand. She handed it to me with a smile.

I took the ball with a gulp, knowing that I was going to be charged for it, unless it failed to catch it and somehow didn't break. I pressed the button on the front to maximize it, then carefully tossed it at the oddish, wincing when it hit the bloody stump from one of its leaves. The oddish disappeared in a flash of red light and was sucked into the ball. The ball wobbled once before laying still.

"Great, let's get this guy registered, then I'll send him through to the vet as his injuries are a bit severe for the machine." She said "At least he can't feel pain while in there, nor will he loose anymore blood or anything."

Well, that was good, at least.

I pushed my card towards her from its spot on the desk, and she scanned both it and the ball with the computer before returning my card.

"I'll be right back." She said, before carrying my new oddish out of the lobby and presumably into one of the examination rooms.

While she was gone, I pulled out my phone and, through the crummy pokemon center wifi, looked up the basics of oddish care. I found nothing surprising. Give it a pot with damp, nutritious soil, for during the day, and room to wander around during the night, as well as access to moonlight. A bowl of clean water should always be available, and you can get special oddish food, or it can eat almost any vegetable scraps. They sometimes needed mineral licks, which I knew, and don't give them bread, which I didn't. Don't feed them meat, or animal byproducts, which I thought was rather obvious and didn't need saying, but apparently not.

I was considering letting Mark out so that I could tell him that, by the way, we're going to have an oddish living with us, but then the receptionist got back.

"So, we'll have to keep the little guy overnight." She said as she returned to the computer. "Can we still contact you at 549-3585 for when he's ready to be picked up?"

"Yeah, I'll be at work all day, though, so I won't be able to pick him up until about this time anyway." I replied

"That's fine. The vet gave him a quick look over already, and said that none of the wounds are particularly dangerous on their own, including the lost leaves. But as he has so many, he does need a bit of patching up. A tech is cleaning him up now, and he should hopefully make a full recovery in no time."

"Great."

You've got to love plant-based pokemon; they bounce back from almost anything if given enough time.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" She asked

"Do you have pots big enough for an oddish? I live in an apartment, so I don't exactly have a garden or anything."

"Yep, they're against the far wall." She pointed to a row of pots, "anything two foot wide and a foot and a half tall, or bigger, will do for an oddish. You might want a mat too, as they can make quite a mess when they get out the pot. Some people have trained them to rinse themselves off in the kitchen sink, but they'll still be trailing dirt everywhere until they get cleaned. If you don't have any soil, you can line the pot with wet towels, but they will need more to eat to make up for the nutrient loss."

"'Kay. One minute and I'll grab a pot and then I'll pay for the pokeball."

She flushed and I grinned as I went to get my pot. It must have been a long day if she had forgotten about the pokeball she'd given me.

The pots were all ceramic, heavy, long-lasting, glazed, and expensive, because that's what happens if you buy something from the pokemon center instead of from a hardware store.

I returned to the desk, empty-handed.

"I'm leaving the pot for now." I told her, pulling my wallet back out to get some cash for the ball.

"I'll see you tomorrow!" I called as I left the pokemon center, determined to find somewhere to buy a plant pot without being ripped off.

When I called my dad later that evening, he'd been rather annoyed by the whole thing.

He'd been a trainer when he was younger, and completed the Johto and Unova circuits. When he was in Johto, he'd spent weeks tracking down a shiny mareep. He first saw it south of Violet City, followed it down to Union Cave, back up to the Ruins of Aliph, across the mountains to Ilex Forest, then finally caught it just outside Goldenrod City. It took twenty four days, all told, and he was badly sunburned, dehydrated and had lost almost ten pounds, most of which had been muscle, not fat, before he lost it. I found a shiny oddish on the walk home from work, and I got a nasty stain on the inside of my jacket to show for it.

I was going to have to give him a lot of free beer and pizza to earn his forgiveness. Ecruteak brown ale, and pepperoni pizza with spicy cheese dipping sauce. Some people say that men are complicated beings, but my dad certainly isn't one of them.


End file.
